Primary Blog/Leadership & Team Building/How to Be a Soft-Spoken and Polite Yet Firm Leader

How to Be a Soft-Spoken and Polite Yet Firm Leader

Sunday, May 07, 2023

Executive positions require effective leadership for stability, productivity, and growth within a company or business. What human traits and characteristics qualify as displaying effective leadership? Does someone’s tone of voice and assertiveness automatically make them the clear leader or an effective one?

While being loud and loquacious, quick to respond, and assertive are commonly recognized as leadership qualities especially when commanding a room, it can also create tension, unexpressed resentment, and potentially offend others, even if they continue to recognize you as a leader.

The good news is that being soft-spoken, polite, and firm are distinct qualities that do not contradict one another. It is possible to exhibit a pleasant demeanor and a warm welcoming presence while clearly establishing authority. This is because being soft-spoken and polite are extrinsic qualities, while being firm comes intrinsically.

How the Three Qualities Co-exist

Some people learn to exhibit soft-spoken characteristics to compose themselves and convey their messages because, in their lived experience, this creates a more pleasant atmosphere and generates a more positive reception from those around them based on their values of what is considered pleasant and positive.

However, it is essential to realize that this quality is not a natural aspect of someone’s character or personality: they have learned to be soft-spoken by a perception of being perceived in a particular way they find more pleasing. There is external validation in maintaining such a pleasant demeanor.

Being polite revolves around a similar dynamic: learning the behaviors of politeness also revolves around the perception of producing a more pleasant response from members of the surrounding environment. When someone is polite, they behave in a manner designed and tested to produce an outward perception of being respectful, trustworthy, and acceptable.

These are distinctly extrinsic qualities developed in response to a perception of the surrounding environment. In other words, these qualities are adopted to navigate your environment and regulate your interactions with others in the most pleasant way possible as determined by your values. In turn, these qualities are observed, received, and interpreted by members of the surrounding environment.

In contrast, being firm is intrinsic. To be firm requires you to have an innate knowing and certainty of your character — you are aware of your characteristics, boundaries, traits, and competency. You are aware of the skills you’ve accumulated, how to connect with others, and are confident in your ability to make decisions. These are personal qualities people can see when you show up, take action, and make decisions.

Correcting the Misconception

There is a pervasive but misguided sentiment that being quiet and polite prevents an individual from being firm and authoritative. Quietness and politeness are typically viewed as exuding passivity, and that passivity is thence preventative of taking charge. However, now we understand this is only a misconception because being domineering does not correlate to being firm.

While projecting loudly and assertively instinctively commands attention in the moment, effective leadership calls for authentic confidence in oneself and one’s capabilities. Beyond the surface and beneath the vocalizations, people see individuals with genuine self-confidence and firmness in their direction, abilities, decisions, expectations, and character as influential leaders. They are genuinely authoritative and perceived as leadership figures in their environment and workplace. And these responses go beyond instinctual, survival-based reactions to another person’s actions.

How to Build These Qualities as a Leader

How does someone show up combining these seemingly opposing extrinsic and intrinsic qualities?

The individual who effectively utilizes these extrinsic and intrinsic qualities is authoritative because they have done the necessary work to achieve the level of competence needed for their position. They display an executive presence and command the room because they’re confident in their decisions.

The takeaway of their behavior and character is this: they’re polite with expressing their boundaries, soft-spoken with telling you where they are, and polite about communicating their tolerance level. They are not hesitant to speak about what they want and don’t want and what is and isn’t acceptable to them. They are not domineering over others and are not argumentative about their boundaries. Instead, they calmly and politely express themselves.

People who are clear and firm about their values and boundaries dispel the idea that being soft-spoken and polite renders someone too passive to take charge. Their inner knowledge of themselves allows them to effectively communicate with others to get tasks done, solve conflicts, and establish order.

How can you become a firm leader with executive presence while also soft-spoken and polite? It requires shifting from focusing on external validation to your intrinsic traits, characteristics, and values to show up as the capable and natural leader you know you are.

You can cultivate firmness by developing your self-confidence and honoring your whole self. It requires acknowledging your potential, experiences, and skills and knowing what makes you uniquely qualified to be recognized as a leader.

Take steps to reveal the intrinsic traits, characteristics and values of your whole self to build meaningful relationships and lead interpersonal communications with fair exchange so that you can make the impact you desire to make in your career path.

How does someone show up combining these seemingly opposing extrinsic and intrinsic qualities?

The individual who effectively utilizes these extrinsic and intrinsic qualities is authoritative because they have done the necessary work to achieve the level of competence needed for their position. They display an executive presence and command the room because they’re confident in their decisions.

The takeaway of their behavior and character is this: they’re polite with expressing their boundaries, soft-spoken with telling you where they are, and polite about communicating their tolerance level. They are not hesitant to speak about what they want and don’t want and what is and isn’t acceptable to them. They are not domineering over others and are not argumentative about their boundaries. Instead, they calmly and politely express themselves.

People who are clear and firm about their values and boundaries dispel the idea that being soft-spoken and polite renders someone too passive to take charge. Their inner knowledge of themselves allows them to effectively communicate with others to get tasks done, solve conflicts, and establish order.

How can you become a firm leader with executive presence while also soft-spoken and polite? It requires shifting from focusing on external validation to your intrinsic traits, characteristics, and values to show up as the capable and natural leader you know you are.

You can cultivate firmness by developing your self-confidence and honoring your whole self. It requires acknowledging your potential, experiences, and skills and knowing what makes you uniquely qualified to be recognized as a leader.

Take steps to reveal the intrinsic traits, characteristics and values of your whole self to build meaningful relationships and lead interpersonal communications with fair exchange so that you can make the impact you desire to make in your career path.

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© Mastery Insights Inc. All Rights Reserved